The election is happening in a couple of weeks and I know we’re all really looking forward to it…or not. Since there’s so much “excitement” about this major election, I bet your jaws are getting tired from talking about it all the time. You’re probably searching for a way out of all those enthusiastic conversations about Trump and Clinton. And while most of you – like myself – are probably having a tough time deciding which praiseworthy candidate to choose from, you’d like a break from all the chatter. Don’t worry, I’m here to help. The next time someone approaches you with impending dialogue about this non-Armageddon inducing election, choose from one of these excuses to get out of talking.
1. “Election? What’s that?” – Say this with a straight face.
Right off the bat you are letting the person know that you either a) reeeally don’t want to talk about the election, or b) that you were born under a rock. Either way the person will get the hint and move on. You’ve successfully swindled your way out of a political talk and you’ve also given your co-workers something juicy to discuss around the water machine. It’s a win-win for everybody.
2. “If given the choice between dying from a free-falling anvil or TNT explosion, would you choose?” PAUSE. “I rest my case.”
With this one, you’ve instantly thrown them off AND given them something to think about. They’re going to think that you mean this to say that choosing between these two candidates is impossible and torturous; however, what you really mean to say is that voting for either candidate in this election means so much to you that you liken it to a life or death situation. It’s that deep. Regardless of how they will perceive your message here, you will have succeeded in dodging another jaw-jerking conversation about the GOP.
3. “I’m a feminist and I vote for Trump.”- Say this with a straight face.
Be aware that the person you say this to will be thoroughly confused, but it will be such a shock to them that they will want to end the conversation right there. This statement is a guaranteed show-stopper and by show-stopper I mean a downright mind explosion. You may cause some brain cells to go kaput, but at least your election conversation days will be obsolete. You can thank the Donald for that.
4. “Decisions are like mouth holes: everyone has one, but when they close them, nothing happens.” – And walk away.
This is another unsettling, but profound way of getting the person who wants to chit chat about the election coverage to stop talking immediately. Plus, it gives you a chance to turn on your heels before walking away. You might even throw in a dab for extra fire.
5. Pull a Kanye on em’ – “Wait, wait, wait, wait. Ima let you finish, but Morgan Freeman had the best election of all time.”
Not only will your knowledge of Deep Impact impress those mouth hustlers who keep trying to get you to talk, but it will also show off your ability to think outside the box seeing as how the movie never featured an election. And who doesn’t love a little Kanye reference every now-and-then? With this one, you just might get a few laughs or they may seriously contemplate whether or not Morgan Freeman has ever been president. Either way, you’ve okie-doked your way out of yet another spine tingling conversation about the most interesting and the opposite of doom impending topic on the planet, Donald Trump vs. Hilary Clinton.