When I first heard Destiny’s Child’s hit album “The Writing’s On The Wall” I knew that what I was listening to was valuable. I almost became obsessed with the album, playing on any family road trip with my mini transparent blue CD player. Even though I was only a kid back then, I felt as if I understood the messages behind the soulful-pop trio’s songs.
The Writing’s On The Wall dealt with heavy, universal relationship-related themes that only now, in my mid twenties, I am able put into perspective after having gone through some hard hitting experiences in the love department. So here are some things that the album taught me about relationships.
1. Stability and financial independence is a necessity.
It’s hard to have a relationship with someone who doesn’t have their crap together. Ideally, you want to have a partner who is financially independent. My boyfriend doesn’t have to be a millionaire but he should be able to contribute money wise in the relationship, especially if we are going to be living under the same roof. One of the songs that put that in my head was the group’s’ classic single “Bills, bills, bills.” Just as the song says in the chorus, if someone isn’t holding their weight financially that boy got go.
2. Make time for your girls!
Just because I’m in a relationship with a guy it doesn’t mean that I give up my nights out with my girls. Granted, I’m not a big party animal. However, if I feel like hanging out with my girlfriends at a club I will. It’s good to take time out from your relationship and chill with friends. Men are allowed to do the same with their guy pals. “Jumpin, Jumpin” was a fun reminder of this.
3. Some Exes are meant to stay exes.
Surprisingly, “Now That She’s Gone” was one of my favorite songs back in the day. It was a heart wrenching song of having to put up with a ex, specifically one who left you for someone else, come back into your life. Even worse, you are left with the burden of waiting for someone to take you back. Depending on the situation, some people are just meant to stay in the past and that’s ok. No one wants to be stuck on a nasty roller coaster when you know someone isn’t going to change their behavior. Like the old saying goes, “Ain’t Nobody got time for that!”
4. Rely on close friends and family for stormy changes.
I love the song “Hey Ladies!” Though the song can be viewed as a anthem for girls who are so far done with men treating them poorly, I see the song as a framework of a conversation with your girls when you are facing harsh times with your love life. We all do this but I see it as a good thing. Close friends or family are great resources to turn to when you feel like your relationship is turning sour. There were many times when I didn’t see red flags around a certain guy I liked but those people close to me did, telling me that maybe I should leave. The ultimate decision is yours but it’s good to surround yourself with those who have your best interest at heart.
5. Trust is a foundation you don’t want to lose.
It is simple. You need trust in a relationship or else..what’s the point of being in one? Trust is a fragile thing that can easily be broken and harder to rebuild.We remember the song “Say My Name.” No, it’s not about making sure you have a guy who says your name as much as he calls you “baby” (though that’s good to keep that in mind!) the song is about cheating. No one deserves to be left for someone else or be played. That being said, you deserve to know the truth of any situation, even if you are seeing someone casually. Today, I look back at the lyrics and love how it painted a sketchy scenario of someone trying to hide you or that other person. It just reminds me of that if I ever come across a guy who is playing games to kick them to the curb.
6. Thou shalt have some relationship standards.
One of the best aspects of the album were the breaks between the songs that resemble the 10 Commandments, for example where Beyoncé speaks, “thou shalt say my name.” I love that because they represent standards a woman may want from another mate. As you continue to date, you (hopefully) quickly realize what you will and will not tolerate. Those parts of the album are a good reminder that it’s perfectly fine to have standards. It shows you have boundaries and you don’t want someone coming into your life acting like a bad disruption. Sure, things don’t always pan out the way you want at times but that’s when you get to go back and revise. It’s all a part of the process as we continue to know what we want in a committed relationship.
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